Anxiety

1 Peter 5:6-7 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

I have so much anxiety right now.  Cool, calm, and collected do not describe my spirit.  I feel all bottled up inside.  I called my poor friend yesterday about having her bring the girls she is sitting for over to play this week and ended up crying.  CRAZY TOWN.

I really can't pinpoint the exact cause of my irrationalness. I have a few theories.

 I just returned from girls' camp-I've worked there since 1995.  This summer I realized I am no longer really needed.  At least not at girls' camp.  I'm kinda too old to be a counselor-the kids want the cute fun 19-24 year olds.  I know I did when I was a kid!  I'm no longer training counselors, which is hard because I LOVED it, but I know God has made it clear I'm done.  This past week I was on activity staff.  I had a good time, I taught classes, but I felt an unrest.  I really felt like God was telling me "this is it".  And that was hard.  Is hard.  I love camp.  It is home to me.  I love that my kids love it.  I know I'll still be involved, but I also know that everything has changed.

We're building a bedroom in our basement so that the girls can have our bedroom and then theirs which is pretty small, will become our homeschool area this year.  Although promised it would go quick, the guy who is doing our drywalling hasn't finished yet and it has been over a month.  We have no idea when he will finish.  Our house is in chaos.  All the homeschool stuff and many things I'd like in the girls' bedroom are piled in our "family room" (not finished but we use the space as that anyway) in the basement.  That means that the "family room" is ALWAYS a mess.  Also, our garage is a construction zone as it is where we have all the materials we need.  There is drywall and mudding dust being tracked throughout my house.  I can't even get to my homsechool stuff and school starts in a month.  I'm feeling panicked.

I've had a sore throat for over 2 weeks now and am super tired.  Going to the doctor today to make sure I don't have anything more than allergies or something along that line.  Not feeling well never helps the day go better.

I have been going to Zumba at my church for a little over a year now.  I ALWAYS feel better when I am consistently going.  I mentally feel better.  I have more energy.  I'm a better mom/wife.  I haven't been in WEEKS as we've been traveling/working on the basement.  I was so looking forward to getting back. I read on Facebook that the class is no longer there after this week.  It is moving to a location that will take me 30 minutes to get it instead of 10.  So that's out.  That is a hard hard thing for me.

I'm clinging to the following promises today.  And tomorrow.  And as long as it takes for this uneasy, jumpy, anxious feeling to pass.  Anyone else worry too much?

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Matthew 6:27
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Camp CedarRidge 2012

Where to even begin?  Wow, the past few weeks have been a whirlwind.  I always look forward to camp, but this year I think I looked as much forward to going home as I did to going.  Not only was it EXHAUSTING this year, I also didn't see Rosebud nor Monkey Man for nearly two weeks.  That was emotionally hard.  All of my "free" time was spent nursing, so I only talked to #1 maybe three times for a grand total of maybe thirty minutes during my two week stay.  

Here it is in a nutshell.  On the way up I stopped at "The Bear Store" where my family would often stop on the way home from camp.  There used to be a live bear there, hence the name, but he is no longer with us.  Instead they have a variety of animals (deer, llama, bobcat) on display along with, of course, their ice cream. This trip could be called "Snug meets junk food".

 Along with the horses (which he never got to ride, I was WAY too busy) Snug and LMM talk about Tuck Shop when they talk about camp.  They LOVE our camp store.  Apparently last year they each got a ring pop while we were at family camp, and Snug went and bought one ASAP this year.

 The last time I had a baby (Rosebud) at camp she was eleven weeks old.  And she had a super sunny disposition.
This time while I had a baby (Sweet Pea) at camp she was seven months old.  And she has a sorta sunny-if-you-stand-on-your-head-and-bend-over-backwards-to-please-her disposition.
A mere four days previous to our being at camp, Sweet Pea learned to crawl proficiently.  As in FAST.  Our camp is rustic.  It is not exactly "baby proof"  so I had to get creative in keeping her contained when she wasn't on my back or in a sling!

 This crate filing system box was perfect in the camp office for most of the two weeks until the end when she learned to pull herself to a stand.  We all just worked around her and she had plenty to watch!

 A friend of mine gave this to me when Snug was a baby.  We've lovingly named it the "hexagon of death" as most of our children have SCREAMED bloody murder whenever placed in it.  Thankfully no one has clued Sweet Pea into the fact that she is supposed to hate being in there and when we were outdoors it would buy me 10 minutes of baby-free time.  You may or may not recognize it from early episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond.  It was a staple in their living room set.

 Snug had a fantastic time.  The first week he was mostly with me or my girls (for those of you who don't know I am the Camper In Leadership Training {CILT} instructor).  He got bored at times and although he was a great help with Sweet Pea doing things like running to check and see that she was still napping or getting a dry diaper, after a week I could tell he was done being a babysitter.  The second week there were four other boys as staff kids and he joined their ranks.  I lost my help, but staff stepped up and filled in and Snug had a better week.

 One of the things our girls have to learn is to build a one-match fire.  It then has to burn for 10 minutes.  They are allowed to light two matches if the first one blows out before it lights anything (as is often the case...some of them have never even lit a match on their own before!).  If they have need of a third match they must knock their fire down and start again.  Snug took note of the fire building and began his own.

No one had to knock his over due to too many matches, he did a great job bumping it himself.  I caught this moment on camera when he was upset that it fell.

 When he finally had what he believed to be a good fire, he asked me to light it.  With one match I got it going and it actually burned way more than 10 minutes.  He was pretty proud!  He

 That's me on the left.  This is what I do at camp.  I teach.  I do other things too, which you'll see later, but mainly I am there to lecture.  I teach about things like fires, how to lead a Bible study, discipline, personal Bible study, how to lead group games, how to lead songs/worship and the list goes on and on.  This year we had six new girls begin the program.  I will not (NO.  I seriously won't) be their instructor next year as I cannot put in the time it takes over the winter anymore nor do the two consecutive weeks without my family. However, I have every intention of keeping up with the girls this year via Facebook and being at their graduation next summer.  I love them very much and I love the CILT program.  It is so hard for me to step down as I LOVE the CILT counselor I work with (we make a great team) and I love the program.  This was my ninth summer as instructor.  This was my 25th summer at camp.

 I got this picture one afternoon.  This is our camp road.  It is sand.  We are in the woods.  It is super rustic, but what a place to be quiet and listen to the Lord.  That was one thing that didn't happen for me this year as I had two young children with me.  I felt pulled in too many directions.  My quiet times were rushed at best.  However, most summers I have time to really reflect on my relationship with the Lord, pray, and return refreshed.

 Our camp, like every other, is full of traditions.  One of them is swamp stomping (pretty sure that isn't like most camps).  This is Snug right before he had his very first swamp stomping experience.  I didn't go...but I have been in the past.

 This is him after swamp stomping.  Our cedar swamp is full of black black icky mud.  It doesn't look that black here because the kids get out of the swamp and then roll in the camp road to make the white sand stick all over them.

 He had a great time.

 One of the things that our girls learn to do is run an overnight.  This year it RAINED almost the entire time.  Made no difference to me as "Mallee" (the CILT counselor) and I sleep in a tent.  There was a tent for Snug to sleep in also.  However, the rain definitely persuaded the girls to  construct a good shelter for themselves using only twine and two tarps!

 They did a great job also of getting a fire going so that we could eat dinner.  Snug loved being around campfires and I was surprised when he didn't request one this year for his birthday-he usually does.

 In the morning Mallee and I cook breakfast for the girls as they clean up and pack up to go back into camp.

 Snug made many craft projects during the first week as the craft cabin was where several of my girls spread out and studied/worked at the tables.  There are a million things there to keep someone busy!

 The pool was also someplace where Snug hung out quite a bit.  It was in the hundreds several days.  Thanks to his Pop Pop working really hard to get the pool going, he had a place to cool off!

 Over the weekend we went back into civilization to do laundry and buy supplies for the next week.  Snug's job was to push the quarters into the machines.

 Cell reception is sketchy at best at camp, and my girls enjoyed getting their phones back for the weekend (they don't get to have them at camp anyway).  A couple of them let Snug play games while at the laundromat.

 This is one of my former CILTS.  She is now the business manager and I LOVE her.  So do my kids  :o)  It has been an honor the past couple of summers to look around and see so many of my former girls serving the Lord at camp.  Very humbling to be used of the Lord, and such a blessing.

 Town also means more ice cream.  Heavens.

 This is Sweet Pea in one of the three places in camp where she could crawl around.  We stayed in the Health Center (because there was running water and electricity right in the building) and I was blessed by two different nurses who helped care for her and who kept very clean floors!

 Midweek of the second week we take our girls to visit another camp and this year we went to Barakel.  I love to see the work God is doing there.  It is a very different camp than ours, but I consider them to be brothers and sisters in ministry.  When we arrived we were asked if we'd like to try the zip line.  OF COURSE!!!!  That's Mallee above, my partner in crime.

 I had never done a zip line before, but I loved every second of it!

 Liz, do you recognize this???

 Week two I also taught a class (I always do, but this one was special) with regular campers.  It was called "Extreme Makeover, Camp Edition".  We have a Rec Hall which, as a kid, I always thought was called the Wreck Hall because, well, it has always been kinda a mess.  Our program director had visions of it NOT being a mess and being someplace the kids actually want to hang out.  It was assigned to me to make that happen.  I was given an assistant (who we call Hammer) and he and I led these wonderful young ladies on a crazy adventure.  They willingly gave up part of their camp time to sew, clean, and paint.  I was "T Pennington" as my nickname at camp (we all have one) is Tito.

 It was hours of work, and I don't have a before picture for you...I forgot to do that.  Just trust me.  The room was a dark blue and everything in it was painted primary colors.  Most of the game tables had tons of junk stacked on them that people had just put there to get out of the way other places in camp.  There were tons of mattresses stacked in there for extra beds when needed.  We cleaned it all up, put things back where they had migrated from, threw stuff away that was not useful/clean enough/in one piece and made some new throw pillows to brighten it up a bit.

 But this is one of the "after" pictures.  The colorful flooring above is one of the three places in camp where Sweet Pea could crawl...but not while there was wet paint so that made her time here very limited.

 I don't know if you can tell from this picture, but I was so tired.  I was afraid I might not make it home driving.  Thankfully one of my girls whom I've known pretty much her entire life rode up and back with me so she was able to talk to me and keep me awake.

 LMM got to come up Friday of the last week to be there with my dad (he does tons of maintenance).  I didn't know it but the camp board and my dad had something special planned for the Friday night campfire and thanked me for being the CILT instructor.  It has certainly been my pleasure.  Of course LMM also remembered Tuck Shop and also remembered last year's ring pop.  He bought another one in no time and was quite pleased.

On our way out of camp my parents used to take a picture of my brother and I by the camp sign.  I now take one of my kids too, but I took a closer one because the looks on their faces is too funny.

I love camp, and I love my family.  It is so hard to be torn between the two, but for now my family is coming first.  I'll still be involved, but not in the same capacity.  I sincerely hope that camp will be around for each of my children to attend as campers.

6 Months Old

Thanks to my friend Bethany's husband, I now have a computer (for awhile).  Our hard drive is dying so we are saving for a new one.  No one knows how much longer this one will last.  I was SO afraid I'd lost all of Sweet Pea's baby pictures.  Thanks to him, I didn't.  

 Hard to believe she's six months old.  She now rolls places FAST, pulls herself along by her arms (in a pre-crawl), and can sit up for a little while with the assistance of a Boppy.  She has always been really really good about tummy time.  She babbles all the time and screeches.  When she's happy she'll smile, but usually she's serious.  When she's mad, she's ANGRY.  She does not like to wear a cute hat or a bow or a headband.  I try and try, but she pulls them out.

She is a mama's girl, big time.  I can't even walk through the room without her crying because she saw me.  I still don't have trouble dropping her off in the church nursery, but I always leave quickly.  She's very cuddly, but also squirmy.  That sounds contradictory, but it is what it is.  She moves all the time, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be held.

She starts off in her crib, but is in bed with me by 11pm most nights.   I don't mind, and my milk supply is all the better for it.  We're not starting solids with her anytime soon.  I want her to keep on her curve and am not doing ANYTHING to mess with the system we have now.  I attribute her growth to me taking 6-8 Fenugreek a day, drinking 3-4 cups of Mother's Milk Tea, nursing round the clock, and most of all prayer.  I have several people praying specifically that my supply will remain steady.

This picture came out weird because my camera flash needs a new battery and is acting funky, but I thought it was kinda cool how her eyes look.  She's chewing everything she can get her hands on as she has two top teeth that just won't pop through.  I don't think they could be any closer...and yet there they sit right under the surface.  At 6 months old Sweet Pea is 24 1/4" and weighs 13# 13 oz.  She is still perfectly balanced on her curve that she's been on since birth.  You grow girl!

Day 4

Today is the fourth day of the Flats and Handwashing Challenge.  As a reminder, this is a 7 day Challenge where participants can only use flat cloth diapers and have to ditch their washer and dryer in favor of good ol’ fashioned handwashing.  We are close to 500 participants this year and many are blogging their journey.  You can find their posts linked at the end.

Today's blog topic is "Whatcha Think About Handwashing?"

Well.  It hasn't been that bad.  I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to do it with my AIO (all-in-ones) or pocket diapers.  But for my flats and covers, it hasn't been too bad.  I do wash a pocket and 2 inserts each evening, and they take the most of my time. 

I have it easy though.  I am doing the challenge with an EBF (exclusively breastfed) baby.  That means the BM is completely water soluble.  That means she isn't a huge kid with stinky urine.  I feel like I cheated a bit because two weeks ago I potty trained my toddler.  First and foremost I potty trained her because she was ready...but in the back of my mind getting her done before the challenge didn't seem like a bad idea either!

So I am only washing diapers for one.  I do wash the wipes (I use 90% cloth wipes, and this week we are 100%) that I use on her bottom after she uses the potty.  So I guess there is some "gross" ness to the handwashing.  I wash about 7 flats and two covers, the previous night's overnight diaper (KaWaii Baby Heavy Wetter Overnight), about 10 wipes, and probably 3 fleece inserts that I use when we are out and about for extra absorbency.  I also have 2 homemade wetbags in my rotation and have washed them each once in the three days I have washed.  

I wash in the evening.  Each night I have tried something new.  

Night #1 I bent over my bathtub and washed in my camp washer with the lid on all nice and perfect.  

Night #2 I kept dragging my camp washer OUT of the tub and into the entryway so I could watch TV with my husband.  I'd take it back to the bathtub to dump/refill during commercials.  I ditched the lid and just used the bucket and plunger.  Much better.  I also noticed my hands HURT.  

Night #3 I sat with my feet in the tub and washed in my camp washer.  No lugging of the bucket. No standing and bending over. That was killing my back.  Timed the entire thing and found it takes me about 40 minutes. I also wore gloves. 

I like the way night #3 went the best, and will probably continue to do it that way. It also gave me some quiet time to reflect on my day and think about the Bible study I am currently in.  I am doing "Experiencing God" and it talks about listening for the Lord and waiting upon His timing.  This is quite the opportunity to do that as handwashing is pretty mindless.

This is my wash routine:

Fill 1/2 bucket with hot water

Agitation.
Dump and squeeze out water.

Put back into bucket.

Fill 1/2 bucket with hot water

Agitation

Dump and squeeze out water.

Put 1/2 tsp of Rock In Green detergent in

Fill bucket 3/4 with hot water

Put diapers back into bucket

Agitation for 5 minutes

Dump, wring out

Rinse bucket, and then put diapers back in

Fill bucket 1/2 with warm water

Agitation

Dump, squeeze out

Rinse bucket, and then put diapers back in
Fill bucket ALL the way, and bring out each diaper individually, run under the faucet
WRING OUT

Hang on drying rack/clothesline/pants hangers (thanks to Christina for the idea)

I basically am following the same wash routine that I do when I stick my diapers in our washer.  I've tried MANY things, and this is what I do right now;  rinse & spin, rinse & spin, wash, rinse, extra rinse.  

Esther left a comment yesterday (thanks Ester, always nice to know someone is reading!) and asked what I do about the "muddy" diapers.  I think I answered this before when I said that she is EBF.  Basically I don't have to deal with that part!  However, a diaper sprayer is allowed in the challenge so I could be using it if I needed to.  

Below I copied the list of rules...in case you are wondering.   (Note, I did receive 2 free covers that I am using for this challenge but not because I am doing this challenge.  It was because I was being "paid" for blogging on their cloth blog-just about using cloth in general.  There is a difference!)

Materials Allowed

The following diapering items can be used:

• Any flat cloth diaper, store bought or handmade.  A flat should be only 1 layer of material for easier handwashing and faster drying.
• 1 night time diaper per night of your choice although you are asked to make flats work for you (this diaper must also be handwashed)
• Doublers (not inserts meant to be absorbent enough to stand alone) if you absolutely must.
• A diaper sprayer.
• Wet bags/diaper pails for storage.
• Handmade “washing machine” for diapers such as the camp style washer I made last year.
• Non Electronic Portable washing machines (must be powered by you and cost less than $100.
• Commercially available or handmade covers.
• Commercially available or handmade detergents.
• Snappi, Boingo, and Pins for closure.
• Pocket diapers STUFFED WITH FLATS. (note that the potential for repelling on the stay dry lining could make your challenge harder but you can see what happens)
• Homemade or store bought fleece liners.
• Iron (to use in order to expedite drying time or sterilize)

Materials Not Allowed

• Electronic washer/dryer.
• Pockets with inserts other than flats, AIO’s, Fitteds, Contours, Prefolds, AI2’s, etc.
• Flushable liners.

Rules for Everyone

• You cannot use your washer or dryer.
• If for some reason something arises and an exception is made you need to disclose in the Conclusions Survey or on your blog if you are a blogger.
• There is no limit on the number of flats or covers you can use.  Should you purchase 100 flats for $100 and go a whole week without washing?  No.  Use your common sense on this one.  As a tip the more diapers in your camp washer/ sink/ tub the harder the washing will be.  

Rules for Bloggers

• You cannot be sponsored by received free flats or covers to use.  Bloggers will see a link to the rules in the form of a .pdf after signing up within the sign up application.

Sweet Pea Does A Post

First of all, I have to show off  my free fluff!  My mommy blogs for The Cloth Diaper Whisperer about what she learns about cloth diapers...and I got all of this!  Wa-HOOOOO!

Diapers clockwise from top:  Thirstie's Duo (pocket) "Alice Brights", Thirstie's Due AIO "hoot", Bummis Super Whisper Wrap (not sure print name), KaWaii Baby Overnight "Blue Dottie", Palm Tree Diapers cover (purple), KaWaii Baby Overnight "Lime Dottie".  

And I was wrong.  My mommy just told me she did have to pay fifty seven cents for these diapers.  So technically I guess they were not free.  Just mostly free  :o)

I've been hanging out on my mommy quite a bit lately.  I love love love my new sleepy wrap (now called a Boba Baby) that she got secondhand from a friend of ours who didn't need it anymore.  Mommy and I love it so much we may not keep our Moby wrap much longer.  But we haven't decided that for sure.  Don't want to do anything crazy!

I even spend time riding around on mommy's back while she coaches my brother's baseball games.
Today we went to a big open air market in our nearby big city.  I slept most of the time snugly against my mommy, right where I love to be.  There were lots of other cloth babies there.  Mommy met a CHRISTIAN natural mommy with a booth at the market.  This nice lady gave mommy some free samples of a different tea to help her milk supply.  It is a daily struggle for my mommy.

The nice lady and my mommy have a passion to see cloth diapers in the hands of underprivledged families who can't afford disposable diapers.  My mommy's new friend is even already working with our local women's center to get that ball rolling....something my mommy has been hoping to do by doing the "Flats Handwashing Challenge" (starts Monday!).  Isn't it great how God puts people together?

Let's see.  Oh, my shirt is new.  It is hard to see on my wriggly little body, but it says that I am a "breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth wearing, sling riding, loved little girl.  Yep, that about sums up my life.  Cafe Press had them on sale a couple of weeks ago.  Mommy bought me a 2T because normally shirts that are silk screened like this run REALLY small-I've almost grown out of my 12 month one my Uncle Nathan made me when I was in Florida.   Guess what.  This one is an exception to that rule.  I'll be wearing it for quite some time.

I'm almost back to my normal smiley self.  I got a vaccine on Wednesday and it really hit me hard this time.  Mommy and daddy don't agree with how the AAP wants me to get shots, so they spread them W A Y out and only make me have one at a time.  It still swelled up pretty badly and hurt me for a couple of days.  You can still see the mark on my thigh.  My doctor is happy with my growth as I am staying on my curve.  I now weigh 13 # 5 oz.  My doctor also is really encouraging my mommy to get more organic produce, and change the beef we eat.  We already eat organic free range chicken and it is not easy on the grocery bill.  That was part of the reason we went to the market today, to price out some things. If anyone has a good suggestion for us, we'd love to hear it.

Well, I'm getting a little cranky, so it is time for a nap.  Night Night!

Mother's Day & Baby Dedication

This was another special Mother's Day because it was also Sweet Pea's baby dedication.  At our church our babies are not baptized. We do that when a person is old enough to profess their faith and affirm that they believe in Jesus Christ as their personal savior having died on the cross and risen again in our place.  

 However, we feel strongly that as parents we need to publicly state that we intend to raise our child in a faith based home, that we will direct them to obey and serve God, and that we will be ready to show them how to accept Jesus as their personal savior when the time comes.  We promise to pray with and for our child daily.  

 I wanted a picture of Sweet Pea with just mommy and daddy.  That doesn't happen for our kids very often!

 Sweet Pea wore the dress that I was dedicated in as an infant.  Rosebud also wore it.  I love that I  have it to pass on to them someday, and hope that I have granddaughters dedicated in it.

 I love her expression in this picture.

 I snapped a couple of pictures of the boys all dressed up.  I'm sorry but Little Monkey Man makes me laugh.  This is one of about six that were very...candid.

We tried for a family picture too.  Hmmmm.

The Grass On The Other Side

With a newborn, a toddler, a high energy preschooler, and one in school who I also homeschool because the district doesn't seem to view kindergarten as important,  I often find myself living to get through the day.  I think "I can make it till "nap time" (which these days consists of two napping and one to three others watching Veggie Tales).  Then I think "Ok, I can make it till bedtime".

I find myself living for tomorrow.  "Tomorrow things will be better".  Or.  "When they are a little older...".  But that is stupid.  Really if I look at my friends who have older kids, they have a whole new set of frustrations and daily "have-to's".  

I am really disappointed in myself because I feel like so often I am rushing their lives away.  For heaven's sake, they are only this age once.  I don't get a do-over.  This is it.  I will never ever get today back.  I will never ever again get to experience what we are doing right now.  And that is really sad to me.  

But on the other hand, I am tired.  I'm not going to lie.  I get asked quite often "so...how is it now having four?"  I guess that is a fair questions.  Honestly most of the time it isn't a whole lot different than having three. With having had a home daycare for the past five years, we are used to a house full of kids.  But now they all stay and don't go home with other people.  (The hardest thing about four seems to be getting OUT THE DOOR.  I feel like I am herding cats. I try to be an organized person, but getting OUT seems to be mass chaos often.  I'm hoping in the summer when we don't have to do hats and coats  it will get easier).  

But I also hate that question.  How do you THINK it is going having four children with the oldest being five?  Do you think it is easy?  Do you want me to whine and complain about how I don't sleep and I trip on toys all the time and how my perfectionistic firstborn expectations have been flushed down the toilet along with who knows what else that can fit and I haven't realized is missing yet????

But I LOVE having four kids.  I don't know which one I'd get rid of if I wasn't to have four.  Each brings unique qualities to our family.  I love each and everyone to pieces.  I am so very glad God has given us four kids and blessed us with them.  They are worth a messy house that I constantly am picking up (don't look under the furniture please, I never quite get there).  

I think it is easy when you have a blog to make it look like you have it all together.  I certainly don't.  On a blog people tend to show what they want to and leave the icky things out (or they just tell the messes of life and forget to stop and smell the roses).  My life isn't icky, not by a long shot.  I really gave it a thinking the other day when #1 and I were arguing over his involvement with what I think of as "extra curricular work activities".  Really I was just being moody and stubborn and insensitive.  He is doing his best (and a darn good job I believe) to provide for a family of six.  He sees what can happen when husbands don't man up and do what they need to.  He is a great provider and selfish little me needs to tell him that more often instead of whining about him not being home because he has yet another meeting.  

If you are a cop or a cop's spouse you probably know what I am talking about.  There is always something be it court, or a committee, or fitness duty.  And when I see him walk out the door on his day off or when he isn't "supposed to be at work" I have a tendency to be irritated.  Mostly because I love to be around him, but also because I feel trapped being here with four little ones and sometimes not leaving the house for 48 hours at a stretch.  

But I stepped back and thought about all the people I know.  I thought through several times families I know through church, and camp, and softball, and some of you whom I have never met but I read your blogs.  And you know what?  I didn't want to trade lives with anyone.  Not one family.  I couldn't think of anyone who really had it better than we do.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, but it isn't.  

No one has it all together.  No one has the perfect marriage, or kids, or job, or leisure activity.  Despite what others on the outside looking in may think, every family has issues.  So I am trying really hard to just be thankful for my kids, for my husband, and for that horrible smell in the kids' bathroom that we really can't ever get rid of.  Because this is the life that God has GIFTED me with. And I want to remember every day to enjoy where I am in life right now.  

Have you ever struggled with this?  What helps you?

*Snug was at school when I took this picture...he wasn't left out on purpose.  And I realize Sweet Pea doesn't have clothes on, I was working on that when I decided to capture this moment!

New Birthdays

A few days ago Little Monkey Man announced during devotions that he needed to ask God to forgive his sins.  We talked for a few minutes and then we prayed together.  I think he understood what he was doing but I don't know if he'll ever remember it.  However, it is great to know he is thinking about such things!!!

If you ask him, he is likely to say he has Jesus "in mines heart!"  Amen little man. 

Last night as I was reading "Katy and the Big Snow" Snug started to cry.  Katy isn't that emotional of a story. Actually there is not a single sad thing in it.

He said he was upset because he didn't get to ask Jesus in his heart like LMM did.  I assured him he could do so at any time.  We talked for a few minutes and then he too prayed and asked Jesus to forgive his sins and to  "be his best friend".  I think he understands more than his brother as we've talked about it on several occasions.  He knows more about Jesus dying on the cross and rising again.  He also could tell you before that he had never asked Jesus to forgive him and that he knew he should-just didn't want to.

I am so very humbled to have been a small part of their salvation.  To God be the glory!


Mark 10:14b-16  "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."  And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Romans 3:23
"For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"  (Emphasis mine)
Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord"
John 3:3
"In reply Jesus declared, 'I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.' "
Romans 10:9-10
"That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."

Easter 2011

We had a really nice Easter.  We were able to visit # 1's family on Friday, along with our friend Faith.

Last Sunday evening our church had a service about the crucifixion that I attended with Snug.  He had lots of good questions...but was a little noisy about his questions.  He was quite upset with the soldiers.  He's heard the Easter story before, but there is something about a Good Friday or, in our case, other church service with the music and (at our church) video that makes it more "real".

Sunday I wasn't able to get into the Easter service as I was helping in Snug's preschool/kindergarten department.  I'm the coordinator for this area, so if there isn't enough help, I stay and lend a hand.  We had 27 kids so extra hands were needed!

After church one of the other teachers snapped this picture for us.  I like a nice outside Easter picture, but the weather around here is not lending itself to that.  We have had SO MUCH rain.

After church we had some friends from church over to enjoy dinner together.  Our kids played together after dinner and it was so nice to have adult interaction!!!!

Rejoicing that our Savior not only died for our sins, but rose again!  The hope and joy that his death and resurrection brings cannot be found anywhere else.  Hope your Easter was wonderful!

Losing My Testimony While Buying A Testament

I chose yesterday to be the day that I bought a new Bible.  Why I thought that would be a good idea at that particular date remains a mystery to me.  

When I was 15, my parents bought me a NIV Teen study Bible, and it has been my "main" Bible ever since.  I was given a small Bible when I graduated from college as I walked across the platform...but it isn't the same.  I do often take it to church and #1 calls it my "diaper bag Bible", mainly out of convenience.  But my "main" Bible has so many markings and side notes and underlined verses and comments that I really like to use it more.  

My women's Bible study at church is doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free.  It is killing me (which of course it isn't, but that is an inside joke if you've ever done the study).  This past week one issue we were dealing with pride.  Kings in Israel's history that made poor decisions because of  pride.  We as women are often in  bondage due to pride.  I know I am!  

Anyway, one of the things she wrote about was having to break in a new Bible.  That particular thing wasn't a pride issue for her or anything (it was just part of a story she was telling), but it started eating at me, because for me it is.  I kind of like having my "main" Bible with all its markings and notes and such.  It lookes, well, used.  And I certainly don't use it enough by any means.  But when I have my "main" Bible by my side, no one else would guess I don't read it everyday or as often as I should.  

So the Lord used that to speak to me.  And Little Monkey Man standing on my "main" Bible and ripping out a few more pages didn't hurt either.  So I swallowed my pride and decided it really was high time to be purchasing a new Bible.  Even if it does look crisp and new and people might think I don't read it.  Which I honestly don't often enough.

By the time all of the Draycare kids left, I had two hours until church started. I also had to go to the post office to mail a piece of a toy that had been recalled (which supposedly they will be replacing for free...good for us as it broke ages ago and I had just not thrown it away yet) and to Aldi to buy more jell-o for Snug's Valentine's Party today.  I seriously thought I had time to run three errands before church.  

The post office went as planned, complete with long lines, Little Monkey Man knocking down things off the wall as he jumped around, Rosebud screaming because she was in her carrier (Is it spring yet?  I need to use my slings.) and Snug informing everyone who would listen about how the post office had re-arranged its boxes/gift wrapping stations since he had been there at Christmas.  

And then we set off for the Christian Bookstore.  To buy a Bible.  Easy, right?  Of COURSE it was. 

We walked in, everyone kept their hands to themselves, I found the perfect Bible as soon as I walked in the door, it was on sale for practically free, and we checked out and headed out the door within 10 minutes of arrival.  Or not.  

We walked in and Rosebud had finally called it quits with the lung exercises.  However, Snug started complaining as soon as we walked through the door that "this is the worst store ever".  (In his defense at our old church I bought all the Bibles for new babies who were born and had their names put on them...so we used to frequent this particular store at least three times a month.)  After telling him to zip it because that was totally not polite we continued back to the Bible section.  Which is next to the Jesus junk section.

The WHAT?  Did I say Jesus junk?  I mean small plastic toys that say "Jesus" and break as soon as you even look at them and entice small children to touch touch touch touch.  Sorry MckMama, but your "use one finger and you can touch whatever" trick has not caught on well with my kiddos. I gave it a good effort. I so wish it had worked for us.  But it hasn't.  So we have a "put your hands in your pockets and don't touch a single darn thing and NO YOU CAN"T USE YOUR ELBOWS TO KNOCK YOUR BROTHER OVER" approach.  

So while my boys are itching to play with small plastic yo-yos and bouncy balls and who knows what else, I am trying to quickly choose a Bible that will hopefully last me another fifteen years.  Seriously?  I took my three kids to do that?  Unfortunately, yes.  

And then LMM had to potty.  Loudly.  No, he didn't potty loudly, he announced it.  As he does most everything.  Loudly.  We found that the bathroom was in use, so we stood oh so quietly outside the door to wait our turn(s).  And we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And somewhere in all that waiting, Rosebud woke up and discovered that she was indeed still in her favorite car seat.  Begin lung exercise.  Eventually a store employee emerged from the restroom and we were able to use the facilities.  

Back to the Bibles.  I played with the idea of letting Rosebud out of her car seat to roam around, but decided to put up with the crying over re-shelving half the store and adding yet another bruise to her poor little forehead.  I sat both boys down where they could do the least amount of damage and began my search in frantic.  The Bible I wanted was on the very top shelf where I barely could reach it and once I got it down, decided it was way out of my price range.  It was a really nice study Bible with references and such.  

Then as LMM started kicking the side of a metal display (insert gong sound effects) and Snug started singing one of his his famous made up dirges (think songs about the Lord and Diego and his pretend mice that last at least 4 minutes and contain a maximum of 4 notes) I spotted the perfect Bible for me.  

Photo Credit

I quickly compared it to the reference Bible that I was coveting (can you covet a Bible?) and discovered it was a much better price. It didn't have nearly the extras, but it does have more "useful extra stuff" than my "main" Bible has.  So we headed to the check-out. 

Then end.

Just kidding.  

While standing in line two things happened.  Do you want to know the good news or bad news first?  We'll go with the bad and get it over with. 

 LMM knocked over an ENTIRE Valentine's Day display.  ENTIRE.  I was mortified.  Really, how does one clean that up with three children in tow?  The clerk just stared at me.  And then the woman in line behind me said "Ma'am.  Don't worry about it.  I will clean it up for you." and she was very sincere and kind and non-judgmental about it.  And that is the good news.  And the other good news (slipped in two here) is that I also had a buy one get one half off anything in the store coupon.  So LMM got his OWN Bible that I had been thinking about getting for awhile.  (Daddy and Mommy sat him down and gave it to him by himself today.  He was thrilled.)  

I totally could have lost it with my kids in the Bible bookstore.  Isn't that awful?  I bit my tongue so many times and kept taking deep breaths.  Because, really, I should have never ever attempted that.  And because while their behavior was nothing short of awful, they are 4, 2 and nearly 10 months.  But I am truly glad God gave me the strength to NOT lose my testimony while buying a (new and old) testament.  Because when I lose my temper or get angry with them it isn't a great testimony to them or anyone else around.  And I need to remember that more often.  

Anyone want to go shopping with us Saturday?  No?  I thought not.  

In The Line Of Duty

Officer Hopper was killed in the line of duty January 1, 2011. She was ambushed when responding to a complaint at a trailer park in what seemed to be a routine call. A man was shooting a gun at his neighbors (typical New Year's Day stuff) and they called 911. I'm sure many of you heard about this on the news as it was a national headline.

She did not work for my husband's department, rather one that is even in a different county. However, we knew several people, including officers, who knew/knew of her.

But when a fellow officer is killed, it doesn't matter if you knew them or not. Officers from around the country and even Canada came to pay their respects. My husband was in attendance Friday. He took some pictures on his cell phone.
These are the patrol cars, the furthest coming from LAPD parked and ready to be part of the processional. The funeral started an hour late because so many people were there. The church was packed, and two gymnasiums were filled with people standing shoulder to shoulder viewing video screens. Along with friends and family, thousands of police officers were there. There were 2,000 patrol cars with 2-4 officers per car. I know her family probably barely remembers the events of the day. But her department knows the support shown, and they need it as much as the family.

People lined the streets and the schools let out early so the children could stand along the route and pay their respects. The news coverage showed the incredible respect people had for this officer and her department.

Here is the good news. Yes, there can be good news even in this tragedy. Along with being a wife and mother of two boys, she was herself a child of God. She was a known believer and the gospel was shared openly at her funeral. Thousands of people both in attendance and via the media heard the Good News. Please pray for her family and the department as this is such a hard time for them. But rejoice with me that she is in heaven, and that through her life others may come to know Him.