Tuesday, July 30, 2013


1 Peter 5:6-7 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

I have so much anxiety right now.  Cool, calm, and collected do not describe my spirit.  I feel all bottled up inside.  I called my poor friend yesterday about having her bring the girls she is sitting for over to play this week and ended up crying.  CRAZY TOWN.

I really can't pinpoint the exact cause of my irrationalness. I have a few theories.

 I just returned from girls' camp-I've worked there since 1995.  This summer I realized I am no longer really needed.  At least not at girls' camp.  I'm kinda too old to be a counselor-the kids want the cute fun 19-24 year olds.  I know I did when I was a kid!  I'm no longer training counselors, which is hard because I LOVED it, but I know God has made it clear I'm done.  This past week I was on activity staff.  I had a good time, I taught classes, but I felt an unrest.  I really felt like God was telling me "this is it".  And that was hard.  Is hard.  I love camp.  It is home to me.  I love that my kids love it.  I know I'll still be involved, but I also know that everything has changed.

We're building a bedroom in our basement so that the girls can have our bedroom and then theirs which is pretty small, will become our homeschool area this year.  Although promised it would go quick, the guy who is doing our drywalling hasn't finished yet and it has been over a month.  We have no idea when he will finish.  Our house is in chaos.  All the homeschool stuff and many things I'd like in the girls' bedroom are piled in our "family room" (not finished but we use the space as that anyway) in the basement.  That means that the "family room" is ALWAYS a mess.  Also, our garage is a construction zone as it is where we have all the materials we need.  There is drywall and mudding dust being tracked throughout my house.  I can't even get to my homsechool stuff and school starts in a month.  I'm feeling panicked.

I've had a sore throat for over 2 weeks now and am super tired.  Going to the doctor today to make sure I don't have anything more than allergies or something along that line.  Not feeling well never helps the day go better.

I have been going to Zumba at my church for a little over a year now.  I ALWAYS feel better when I am consistently going.  I mentally feel better.  I have more energy.  I'm a better mom/wife.  I haven't been in WEEKS as we've been traveling/working on the basement.  I was so looking forward to getting back. I read on Facebook that the class is no longer there after this week.  It is moving to a location that will take me 30 minutes to get it instead of 10.  So that's out.  That is a hard hard thing for me.

I'm clinging to the following promises today.  And tomorrow.  And as long as it takes for this uneasy, jumpy, anxious feeling to pass.  Anyone else worry too much?

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Matthew 6:27
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Esther said...

((((HUGS)))) One day at a time, friend. Matthew 6:34 is my favorite!!!!!

Laura said...

Oh Jenney! That's big stuff and I would be a wreck too. I completely understand how you feel about camp - God closed the door on my involvement with MOPS this summer and I am just feeling a little lost now that I don't have a definitive 'title' in the world of ministry - much like you would feel about camp. When something defines you for so long it's really hard to figure out where to begin again. Praying for you! And for your dry wall man to be VERY productive in the days to come! :)

MamaBear said...

Oh yes! So.much. I find myself grabbing every devotional I walk passed for a glimmer of peace. I give my worries over then take them right back. Hang in their friend!

Laura 2 said...

I totally understand your stress. Last summer was extremely difficult on me and our family. Just know that this too will pass and know that in 6 months things will be totally different then what they are today. You are not just a wonderful mother and wife but an amazing person. Hang in there you can do anything.