Oh What A Beautiful Morning, Oh What a Horrible Day...

I have a really bad feeling...tomorrow may be the same way.

Our weekend plans included:

Raking up the piles and piles of crispy crunchy maple leaves in our yard.

Going to the Pumpkin Barn and getting pumpkins/playing with the farm animals.

Going to a friend's 80th birthday party.

However.

This was not to be.

I got zero sleep last night. Whenever I laid down I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. Monkey Man coughed. All. Night. Long.
Rosebud cried. And coughed. And snotted. All. Night. Long.

My throat hurts as much last night and today as it did when I got my tonsils out. No lie. I've cried. It is excruciating.

This morning dawned bright and crisp and beautiful. It was the perfect day for our above mentioned plans. We loaded up the van and headed to Urgent Care.

It is never ever ever dull with our family. When we arrived there were only like one or two other people there. Yeah! I'd like to thank the X-Ray technician who tried to register us (not that it was his job mind you...he just thought he'd give it a try). Even though he was kinda a goof, he was a nice guy. He turned on Sponge Bob for the kids to watch...and I promptly whispered ferociously (as I have ZERO voice) that they could not watch that. He then gave me a drink of water (THANK YOU!!!!) and even was so kind as to bring one for both boys...he said he knew if I had a drink they'd want one too. He was so right.

Actual registration lady comes...Monkey Man has no less than 3 meltdowns and falls off of a rolling chair. Instead of sending us back to the waiting room, they usher us quickly into the vitals room.

Nurse is a little confused as to which three of the five of us are being seen, but patient with us. Gives the boys stickers. So far not too bad. We've been there about a half hour.

Next we are sent into an exam room. There is one exam table and one chair. I wish I had a camera. I'm up on the exam table with Little Monkey Man who is coughing ALL over the place. Snug is sitting on a counter top. #1 gets the chair. For about five minutes. Then everyone but me (cause I can hardly move) plays musical seats for awhile. Poor Rosebud is sitting in her car seat with green snot all over her face. She is miserable.

The doctor comes in and examines me first. She speaks English...she just doesnt understand English. Between the language barrier and my lack of voice, we were lucky she knew to even examine my throat. She says it looks just fine but I am a little congested. She says she wants to do a Strep test, and leaves. For a half hour.

The room we are in is around 85 degrees. As five people sit and sit and sit it gets hotter...and hotter. We start stripping the kids down. Rosebud ends up in just a onesie and diaper. #1 has his sweat pants (its first thing Saturday morning) rolled up to the knee and is down to a cut off t-shirt. I couldn't take anything off because all I wore were jeans and a sweatshirt.

I'd like to say for the record that I have three large, very visible blisters on the back of my throat. My Strep test may be negative, but my throat is FAR from fine. When she returns to tell me I am just fine we are all a little less than presentable. The boys are pretty crazy by then and trying to watch "Little Einsteins" on daddy's phone...with my splitting headache I am trying to tune it all out. And nurse Rosebud. Who can't breathe.

She has decided that because I am in pain I need an anti-biotic (since when is that why you give anti-biotics??) but notices I am breastfeeding and decides maybe to prescribe something else. She says "You are breastfeeding???" Evidently it is rare. She seems super surprised. Then she says I'll have to ask the pharmacist if I can take/how much Tylenol for pain. I guess she didn't do a labor and delivery rotation in this century. Pretty sure they dope you up with stronger than OTC Tylenol moments after delivery, even when you deliver naturally.

Then she turns to go. I politely whisper/scream "what about the kids???" She looks at me blankly and #1 politely interprets that there are 3 of us there to be seen. After a bit of a blank stare she says "that is why there were three charts in here". Yup.

Little Monkey and his croupy cough are next. She asks if he has any allergies or medical things she should know about. #1 tells her that he is wheat-gluten intollerant. "Gluten?? and Sheet?" What is "sheet?" #1 tries again, and she still doesn't get it. Finally I whisper/yell "bread! He can't have bread!" "Oh, VEET! He can't have gluten or veet". I'm really starting to wonder about this doctor...I start looking for hidden camera.

She says "he has a cough". He has been coughing pretty much since we arrived. I'm glad she caught on. He gets cough medicine.

Last is Rosebud. She wants to know how much juice/water she gets in a day. I do my best to whisper "none", that she is exclusively breastfed, has never had a bottle, and has just started getting about a tablespoon of baby food a day. Dr. looks at me like I have five eyes. She then askes if our pediatrician (I didn't mention we don't use a pediatrician) knows that we are doing this to her. We assure her our doctor knows and is on board with it. I wonder what she would have said if I told her the kids don't drink juice at all.

At this point I look over and apparently it is unbearably warm in the room for Monkey Man because he has taken his entire shirt off by pulling it down from the shoulders and then having it hang around his middle. I half cracked up. Because we've been there for nearly two hours, I feel horrible...and the doctor doesn't seem to know what she's doing and very soon my entire family is going to be in their underwear because it is SWELTERING.

Her next comment is so so so not re-assuring. She says "Well. I have been a doctor longer than you have been alive. Things must have changed since I had my training." SERIOUSLY???? I wasn't going to be allowed to teach much longer without getting my masters' degree. Are there no doctor refresher courses?

So Rosebud is to have her nose sucked out more often so she can latch better while feeding (I'll get right on that...since I told her that is what we have been trying) and take Tylenol if she has a fever. (Should I have mentioned her amber teething necklace :o)

#1 takes the kids to the van while I wait for our discharge papers. I sneeze and then cry because it hurts so bad. The nurse comes in with our prescriptions and then tells me my diagnosis is a sinus infection and laringitis. Gee, that might explain why I have no voice. I kept my mouth (literally) shut.

Go to the pharmacy. Neither of the presctiptions have names on them. Pharmacist spends next 20 minutes on the phone trying to sort it all out.

I should have been a doctor.

Know what was on TV today when I had the day to lay around and re-coop? Football. And Baseball.

I should have been a doctor...then I'd have cable!