Desperate Bored Housewives

Do you know what I am? I am a bored housewife! I know, I was shocked to hear it myself but alas it was said of me today. I know I am bored...I have been doing less physical therapy with Baby J now that he prefers his tummy to his back and spends way more than 81 minutes* a day on his stomach. I still do many of the exercises that were recommended of course to move him more and more towards crawling/creeping whatever it is called now and to help with his extension problems,...but seriously that boy is MOVING and ROLLING and almost ready to crawl...I mean creep...um, whatever. SO, with all of this extra time, approximately 34.6 minutes a day I have a new hobby. Ticking off dog walkers.

But I only fit it in between 10-15 diaper changes, 2+ baths, serving 15-20 individual meals, giving 6 bottles (along with the 5-10 minutes of left side time afterwards), 4-7 loads of laundry, watching 3-5 children under the age of 4 a day, keeping the house in some sort of decent shape, running children to preschool and kindergarten, joining the church softball team, volunteering at church, working on the Parks and Rec dog committee, kissing scrapes and bruises, breaking up disagreements, doing CILT, and reading everyone's blogs daily. But with those 34.6 minutes, I have my new hobby. (Did I forget anything? I think that is it...)

Are you a bored housewife? Want to know how it works? Need a new hobby?

Episode One:
As you have 8 children in your front yard enjoying a sunny afternoon and two parents picking up children you (and the parents) notice a lady walking her dog and letting it do its business ALL OVER the yard across the street. The dog is on a flexi lead and is half way up in their yard where she lets it continue for quite some time. Then, you ask the lady to please not do that in their yard because the homeowners wouldn't appreciate it. When she rolls her eyes and turns her back to you, you make a decision.

Keep in mind I have to pick up after other people's dogs in my front yard all the time. It is gross. It isn't nice. I'm tired of it. But this is of course for all you bored housewives, so you make your own decision.

SO, as she rolls her eyes and continues to watch her dog mess in your neighbor's yard, you try again. You politely but firmly this time tell her to move along because no one wants to clean up after her dog and that children do indeed play in these yards. She then turns around and informs you she is on private property (your neighbors...who do not know her and also are tired of the messes) and you can't do anything about it. When one of the mothers speaks up and says that is not even making sense she will then start using curse words in the presence of the children...very classy.

She then informs you that you can do NOTHING about her behavior and screams that you are a bored housewife. She also lets you know that she can let her dog _ _ _ _ wherever she wants. When you mention you can and will call the local officials (read:police) if she doesn't stop yelling and cussing and letting her dog doodle all over the yards (she is now another house down where that dog has not hit empty in his bladder nor bowel yet) she tells you they don't care and won't come. Wrong answer. Because the rest of the story is um... not for public blogging you will have to contact me personally if you'd like to know what would then happen if you decided to pick up my hobby.

There are rules though. You may not yell back at the person. You must remain polite. You must remember that you have 8 children in your presence...and that you don't want your house egged. Trust me, I was the picture of pose..and a little confused at how angry she was but I think the message came across clear enough. Don't let your dog doodle in my/my neighbors yard...don't tell me I won't call the authorities.

I didn't mean to start a huge incident. I probably should look the other way, but really no one wants to clean up after everyone else's dog. You must know that this was an EXCESSIVE amount of time she was spending in the neighbors yard, that the dog was WAY up on the property, and that she was clearly aware that the dog was doing what it was doing.

Bored Bored Bored.

Ok in the next episode of Bored Housewives we will discuss how to do a happy dance when your 10 month old has his first official babble session "wa wa wa AND ba ba ba" where he also was looking at you to confirm that you indeed noticing his new accomplishment. This babbling will continue all evening so you can continue dancing in your heart.
The episode will conclude with a story about how you are to react when someone gives your baby a paci that is not his but that they found under your stroller at the ballpark thinking it might be his. You have to be ok with it because this person was really REALLY nice to spur of the moment help with multiple children and it was a huge blessing to know your children were safe. But it wasn't his paci...or anyone else's...at a ballpark. *sigh* I am so bored.


*The "magic" number in tummy time these days...and amount of time he has to spend in physical therapy a day...does not include speech therapy.