I'm So Not Cool

This post is part of "Laughter Lives! Tuesday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else's "Laughter Lives!" posts.

I know I wrote this over the weekend, but some people thought it was funny so I thought I'd let other people laugh at with me as well, because now that I think about it, humor can be found. *sigh*



I am in the good state Michigan for the weekend as I had my last CILT* meeting before summer camp starts. The girls have one more meeting with the other leaders (one who will be completely done after that meeting, one who just started today) in May, but I think you will agree that I sit around and eat bon-bons have enough to do and really can't fit in another 5 hour trip one way with children in tow for a weekend where I leave them for 5+ hours with my mom who truly is a saint. Just can't. It was a good meeting, and I enjoy being with the girls. I am so sad to see my comrade in crime "retire" as we've had a few good summers together (were even campers and CILTS* together) and are good friends. However, the new comrade coming on is also a great person and I look very much forward to getting to know her better.

Anyway, my mom had come down last Tuesday to help with the kids as I was taking baby J to his appointment on Wednesday. She drove us up here, and then will return us tomorrow. I then had no car here with which to drive to my meeting. My dad was up at camp getting it ready for the summer, but told me I could use his really cool Suburban (which technically isn't his, it belongs where he used to work but he is still using it-legally, I assure you) to get to my meeting.

Well, I climbed up a flight of stairs up into the Suburban and discovered that that it had no gas. I was already running barely on time. I stopped at the gas station, went in and paid the lady, and then tried to pump the gas. Only I couldn't figure out how to get the gas cap off. I looked for about 10 minutes for some sort of fancy button to open it but had to call my dad. All I was supposed to do was push on it in a certain place and it would POP out. I can only imagine what the gas station attendant thought I was up to. Here I am with this B-E-A-U-tiful car and I can't seem to pump gas. I am so cool.

Next I had to think really hard about how I was to get to the meeting because I haven't driven it myself in about 3 years. I called and double checked with my mom, and confirmed that I do know how to get there. The radio was on, but I am not familiar with how everything works in that particular car and I didn't want to mess with it until...

...I tried to get onto the 696 exit and it was CLOSED. As in barricaded up. The radio still was on to something I didn't want to listen to and then the car started yelling at me "CONSTRUCTION AHEAD". Well no duh. So here I am stopped in the road so I don't go through a barricade, people swerving around me (there was another road to the side that was not closed, but was not the road I needed either) honking as the car yells "CONSTRUCTION AHEAD". So I turned on the other road. I looked very cool.

Pretty tired of the car yelling at me and whatever I was listening to under diress I started hitting buttons and everything got louder and worse. Some gangster music about "making love" was blaring and I immediatly worried about my 2 year old parrot son singing it in Sunday School tomorrow, when I realized he was not in the car. WHEW. But neither could I get it to turn off. After trying not to smash anything I was hitting wildly at the dashboard controls. I finally got it off. Then I realized along with it went my compass so when my mom and friend were trying to help me with directions I no longer knew which way I was headed. I bet I looked so cool.

After making several phone calls and discovering that at least three other roads that I could have taken to get where I was going were also CLOSED, I stopped at a small cafe to ask a local for directions. As I got out to go in, I forgot I wasn't in my van and all but fell on my face getting out of the Suburban. I am so cool.

I mentioned that I finally got the radio/large dashboard display to turn off...instead of shouting directions to me it made a funny 'sip sip sip' sound whenever I made a turn-something to do with the little GPS system in it, I'm sure.

I finally got some directions that would seem to work, but guess what? The road was closed. I know you are shocked. My mom looked on the internet at home as I drove over a median and went the wrong way on a one way street and she guided me through a neighborhood. Some people were flipping me off as I drove by because I looked so cool.

I finally made it to the meeting. Want to know why I KNOW I looked so cool? Because during one of the many turn-arounds with a car (that I don't normally drive and is way bigger than what I have) and as the car was yelling "WATCH YOUR SURROUNDINGS" as I backed up, two very cool looking gangster people drove up and looked at me over their steering wheel and bling and clearly looked impressed at my mad driving skills. Clearly I am so cool. Or not.

So what did I learn today?
1. That there is way too much "gangster" in the metro Detroit area for me.
2. Suburbans are too big for me.
3. I don't want a car that talks to me-ever.
4. I am not cool.

*Campers In Leadership Training