Who Of You By Worrying...

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27

This post is for me. It is for me to vent my worry and remind myself of how great a God I serve. I guess it is also for my cousin Melissa who is also worried right now. Not that I have it all figured out, I don't. Remember, this post is for me. I just thought that I'd tell her how much I feel her pain...our kids are on our hearts. I don't think God wants us to be unconcerned about our children, families, situations...just to trust Him and not worry ourselves sick. My grandpa used to call me a worrywart...he was so right.

I am trying not to worry about Baby J's weight tomorrow. He feels thin again...like feel his ribs when I lift him thin.

I am trying not to worry about his motor development. It is so hard to watch other babies close to his age, within a day of his age, and younger than him to be doing oh so much more. He is content to lay on the floor with a paci and rub a blanket on his face...for long periods of time. He rolls from belly to back when he gets frustrated, but only has rolled from back to belly twice. He does not scooch, crawl, pull up, or sit up. I know I've posted some sitting up pics, but it is still only when we get him just so and only for a few seconds. I kid myself that he is getting better, but when I am objective I know he isn't.

I am trying not to worry about his speech. He laughs and screams (gets really angry) and cries...but no single syllable sounds. I tried to video record him one day when he was doing a "ba" sound but I don't think I ever got much of it on video, it was months ago, and it never happened again. At about 4 months we were concerned about him not making eye contact with us and our pediatrician said it was fine. He has been to the eye doctor through InfantSee and he has great vision. However, he refuses about 95% of the time to make eye contact with #1...only with me and for short periods. He loves to watch the kids, but doesn't like to look directly at them when they are in his face. At this age babies are supposed to love looking at faces. He does like his own in a mirror which makes me feel better.

I am trying not to worry about #1's appointment on Monday to see how they are going to treat his Grave's Disease. I am not able to go to his appointment so I won't be there to hear what is being said...he assures me he'll take notes. He shakes constantly, even with the heart medication that was making it better before. He had a hard time using a screwdriver today. I had to take over.

I serve a great God. He knew me before I was born...he knew my baby before he was born. He knew my husband before he was born. He will take care of us, but oh it is so hard to trust. I remember the words of a song I loved as a kid... (sorry mom and dad I know I wasn't always very obedient to you or the Lord growing up) "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:34
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As a post script...I took our camera cards in faith today to Wal-Mart to be developed. I figured at least I could pay for the CD's and have them...then pay for the prints as I was able. #1 got a check today that will more than cover this extra expense. I have not printed pictures since the beginning of September...that was a LOT of pictures, I assure you. When I have them in my hot little hand and know they are not 'lost' as has happened so many times before I will clear my cards and start over (read: post more pictures on blog/flickr). Until then I will erase one I don't care so much about and post an 8 month picture of Baby J tomorrow.